I Struggled With Despair and Stress and anxiety as a Pastor (Testimony)

Christopher Pautrat is a guy of God, a Father of 4, and a Pastor who’s battled with despair and anxiety even though primary a ministry. Currently, he is sharing his testimony of overcoming despair and stress and anxiety by way of medication, deliverance, counseling, and hearing from Jesus himself.

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Directed & Edited by Eric Villatoro
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Testimony Recorded at Nova Hub Church in Woodbridge, VA

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40 replies on “I Struggled With Despair and Stress and anxiety as a Pastor (Testimony)”

Thank you pastor for sharing! Anyone who is judging you for taking medication CANNOT call themselves followers.of Christ. Yes, God uses medicine as well as other sources to heal. Of course, we know He can heal with just a simple touch or word, but sometimes that's not the way God works. He chooses other routes and we have to be open to His leading.

do you guys think God is upset with me and hates me because i use weed for my anxiety and my trauma. weed did come from him. i just wish i could be perfect, i hate that i sin. i just want to leave this world already. i’m such a evil human. i just want to leave

The Gospel:

Plain and


“But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent

beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your

minds should be corrupted from the simplicity

that is in Christ.” – 2 Corithians 11:3

Ask someone today if they are saved and

you will most likely hear responses like these:

“I have accepted Jesus into my heart.” Or “I

have made him Lord of my life.” “I’ve been

baptized.” “I said a prayer.” Sounds all good

and churchy don’t it; but it is difficult to de-termine whether or not a person actually

knows the gospel that saves them. These use less phrases don’t describe a thing about what

the gospel is and has left a devastating effect

of people not knowing what it is that they are

saved from nor how they are saved; which

leaves a more serious effect of people ques tioning their salvation.

Let’s not muddy the simplicity of salva tion that is in Christ with vague church

sounding phrases that do not communicate

anything. But rather present God’s word with

clarity and assuredness. So here is the gospel:

plain and simple.

Sin was passed upon all men by one man

Adam, and death is a consequence of this sin

(Rom 5:12). Mankind has an eternal destiny of

condemnation and wrath – Hell – because of

this sin (Rom 6:23). No matter what good

works one might do we are still found sinners

in the sight of our Creator God. And all un righteousness and those who follow get in dignation and wrath. We cannot be found

righteous for by God’s law we are found sin ners (Rom 3:19-20). If we have broken even

one law we are found guilty.

It is for this reason of not being able to

create our own righteousness and being born

in a sinful flesh that we need a savior (Titus

3:5). Christ is that Savior, God manifested in

the flesh, sinless, died in our place on a cross

2000 years ago. Taking upon him the wrath

and judgement that was intended for us sin ners. And it is through his bloodshed, burial,

and resurrection on our behalf that we are

able to have peace with God and forgiveness

of our sins (1 Cor 15:1-4, Col 3:14). This good

news is unto all but only those that believe in

it are made righteous in Christ (Romans


It is then after we have heard this good

news of Christ’s righteousness available to us freely, that we are sealed with the Holy Spirit

and we are now part of Christ’s body the

church (Eph 1:13)

There is nothing that we need to do, no

good works that are required, and no bad

works that can separate us from our new po sition in Christ (Romans 8:35-39).

Faith and belief in this information from

God’s word is the gospel.

The gospel is not accepting Jesus into your

heart. The gospel is not making him lord of

your life, it is not saying a prayer and it is not

being baptized with water.

So next time someone asks you if you are

saved. Give them the clear assured answer

“Yes And let me tell you why

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God continue to bless & protect u pastor Christopher! 🙏🏾 I’ve been extremely extremely touched & blessed by this testimony! 🙌🏾 My favorite testimony so far, THANK U DELAFE TESTIMONIES for what u are doing, u guys have really touched people’s lives that I’ve shared your testimonies with, especially mine.
Indeed we need this transparency in church & more compassion instead of gossip & judgment.

This is so good. Thank you for sharing. We live on the Earth BUT are not of the Earth. We have power and authority hear on the Earth. But we can still battle sickness. Some of us get our healing here and others in heaven. Either way we are healed by His Stripes.

Amen Brother, I'm right with you I take meds everyday cause I have bad anxiety. I'm hoping with the help of the lord I will be cured. No one should come at you because you need to take medicine. 🙏 I love your testimony ❤️ Thank you for sharing this.

I’m so grateful for this man’s testimony! I myself am in ministry and from time to time- depression presents itself and I have to fight.. it’s not easy to admit it because it seems that people do judge you or try to put a quick bandaid on it and it doesn’t work! I thank God for your naked truth.

God Bless you for your truth! The truth will set a lot of Christians, “feelers” like me, FREE! I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I haven’t taken medicine for about 4-5 years, although I’d previously taken medicine for 20 years. Some days I do feel torture but I press on and sometimes I do wish the lord would just heal me or just take me, but plead he keep me filled and alive for my family, but I feel so exhausted sometimes. You took the words out of my mouth, sometimes I just need something that takes the edge off me. I just wanted so much to not take them is all. I’ve been okay for the most part but some days I feel like I take it out on people close to me and feel like I’m failing them and God. Im going to try medicine again or consider it. I just don’t want some of the side effects too, but this gives me a place of peace I needed as a sister in Christ. I love your heart. I exercise now to fight it too,

Thank you for sharing! How can we reach u if we do not have social media. Ive been logged off all social media going on a year but i really believe God put this video on my youtube newsfeed for a reason because ive been struggling with my mental health n have been battling with depression, anxiety ect. Ur testimony is my testimony n i would love to see more of what God is doing in your life. If there is any other outlets to reach you beside social media such as a website please let me know. God bless you and everything you're doing

Thank you for this message, this is very uplifting. I am actively serving in church, but I have a physical condition that daily I need to depend on medicine in order for my mobility to function normally. Thank you for this encouraging msg..

I also sometimes have fear because there's people that say the vaccine is the mark but then I pray and go read revelation and the vaccine is not the mark other times I feel like I'm not worthy that I have sin too much and am not going to heaven but then I start praying and I feel calm. I believe the lord listens to my prayers and I love everyone.

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, 2 for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.
1 Timothy 2:1-2

Oh Lord! God almighty! I magnify your name! Yaweh I give you all the glory for my life! Forgive my sins and my un confessed sins Lord! Lord I want more of you and less of me! I thank you for your protection! I am truly blessed and highly favored I sit in heavenly places and I am the son of a mighty King!!! I love you Jesus! Lord I pray for those who don't know you in a intimate way that they will humble themselves and come to know you on bending knee asking for their forgiveness! Father I bind the spirit of pride! I cut it off at the head and send it back to the pit of he'll in which it has come from! I release love, kindness, patience, humility in the name of Jesus! I followed my heart and I am glad I did. I lost my wife 2 years ago due to the pandemic and I was about giving up, knowing God has brought me this far was for a purpose and I kept on looking on to him. My destiny helper was sent to me the year my wife died. The moment I was about giving up, I was introduced to a business by a man I met in a seminar I went to in Florida. This was not my first time hearing of such business but I took the risk Investing 1OOO USD and it was worth it. feedback@markhanfarmer , C0M 4 weeks later I kept on getting earnings and I started using the money for Gods work. I am very popular in Maryland. Doing Gods work always give me joy. There is peace and joy in my mind . I am here to motivate you and tell you never to give up even though the situation seems so though. God has promised his children and he will surely do what he has promised his children.

Mental illness is an illness like any other. Wouldn’t criticise someone with asthma or allergies or epilepsy, so why mental illness? God raises up psychiatrists and therapists and support workers. Don’t be so quick to say what God does or doesn’t do or work through.

THE PEOPLE WHO TRANSLATED THE BIBLE LIED TO YOU and there is many more translation ERRORS and LIES they did.
They brought the scroll of Isaiah to Jesus in the synagogue, NOT THE BOOK OF ISAIAH, a scroll was a rolled up hide or other rough material that only a few had access to, they were very big, rare and cumbersome. And less than 5% of people could read when Jesus walked the earth. So, they compiled it into a lie to deceive and control the people with for their selfish religious reasons. They say “the dead sea scrolls,” but they do not want you to think of the bible as a scroll, but rather a book that was since the beginning. THERE WERE NO BIBLES IN THE BEGINNING, IT WAS COMPILED INTO AN IDOL AROUND AD325 by Constantine the sun-god worshiper for his bishops. The RCC had it locked up for themselves until the first bible was made available to the masses in 1560 with the Geneva bible.
Luke 4:17
King James Version
17 And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written,
The bible has the word "book" 188 times, there were no books as we know them today until after the invention of the printing press and the first bible made avalable to the common public was the Geneva bible in 1560.

"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

When a well packaged web of lies has been sold gradually through time to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic.

It’s easier to fool people than it is to convince them that they have been fooled.

No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.

This truth will free you to seek for the Living God in the Spirit and to truly KNOW GOD instead of just knowing ABOUT HIM.

The GOSPEL is NOT written with ink, nor on tablets of stone, but on our hearts by the Spirit of the Living God.

The gentiles who have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, then they are a law unto themselves.

Under the New Covenant we are to be led by the Holy Spirit, not the bible.

I was searching for truth when Jesus told me, "The bible is an idol" which completely changed my direction. After that I only sought for Him in the Spirit and He has taught me many things on life's journey.

The most important of which is that He died so we could be regenerated by the Holy Spirit into sons and daughters of God.

The gospel is simple, repent from living after the flesh, ask Jesus to fill you with the Holy Spirit and then be led and controlled by Him through the Spirit.

The bible is only history and has absolutely no authority from God to control us, the outward law was under the old covenant. Jesus died to redeem us from the curse of the written law because we were unable to keep it.

Have a great journey through life with the Living Christ guiding you.

When Jesus words are written down and Satan is using them, then the bible becomes the word of Satan.

Constantine (1st) beast compiled 50 bibles, legalized Christianity and set up the false prophet (pope).

King James (2nd) beast, born 6/1566, 6th of Scotland, authorized a bible in 1611 that now has 66 books to control people with, an image of God's word they make to speak (the bible says).

By having faith in the bible which has been made into an idol, they break the new covenant of having faith in the Living Christ through the Holy Spirit, who is the true word of God.


Ask Jesus -Yeshua for the Holy Spirit.

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Amen & Wow. Thank you Pastor for being honest bc that's what all of us need. I feel there's soo much in our lives & we trying to overcome it by ourselves. But God brings ppl like u to help us. God Bless You & I'll pray for u. Keep me in ur prayers🙏

I have been a pastor since 1983 and I have a question about Christian lifestyle. In the 28 chapters of the Book of Acts, Luke uses the Feasts of Israel 7 times. That’s one Feast of Israel every 4 chapters, and 6 of them he uses as Time Markers (Acts 2:1; 12:3-4; 20:6, 16; 27:9). A Time Marker is an event that everyone is familiar with, and so you can use it instead of speaking of a date. For instance, if I said I was going to France the day after Xmas, you would know it’s Dec. 26th. I wouldn’t have to mention the actual date. Luke uses 6 Feasts of Israel as Time Markers and astoundingly, to tell his Gentile friend Theophilus (Acts 1:1) when Paul was at a particular place in Acts. How could Luke, a Gentile, use the Feasts of Israel as Time Markers when the Church teaches that Mosaic Law was done away at the death of Jesus on the Cross and no Gentile Christians kept them? Yet Luke wrote Acts in 64 AD or more than 30 years after the death and Resurrection of Jesus. The Book of Acts reveals that the Church is quite wrong about the Feasts of Israel specifically and Mosaic Law in general, for the Feasts are part of Mosaic Law.

One example of the six Feasts used as Time Markers has Luke speaking of staying at Philippi with Paul and others, until after the Feast of Unleavened Bread was over; “But we sailed away from Philippi after the Days of Unleavened Bread, and in five days joined them at Troas, where we stayed seven days;” Acts 20:6 NKJV. Luke uses the Feast of Unleavened Bread as a Time Marker which certainly implies that they celebrated the Feast of Unleavened Bread in Philippi. How would Gentile Christian Theophilus know ‘when’ Luke was speaking of in Acts 20:6 (and the 5 other Time Marker Feasts of Israel), if Theophilus didn’t know when the Feast of Unleavened Bread was? Would you know even today?

If my reasoning is flawed please correct me, but Acts reveals that the Feasts of Israel were not done away with upon the Lord’s death and Resurrection, as the Church falsely teaches, because Gentile Christians were keeping the Feasts of Israel during the time of the Apostles when Luke wrote Acts (64 AD). This has a much greater implication in that the Feasts are part of Mosaic Law, and so Acts reveals that Christians were walking out their faith in Jesus through the Feasts of Israel and subsequently, the rules of Mosaic Law that applied to them, like the 7th day Sabbath and the Mosaic Dietary laws. (See Law 102 at, which deals with Peter’s Vision in Acts 10, and Jesus allegedly declaring “all foods clean” in Mark 7:19, etc.). The Church teaches that Christians can eat bacon and shrimp, but when properly interpreted the Vision Peter had doesn’t have anything to do with the eating of food. Also, see Nailed to the Cross—Col. 2:13-17 at for what Paul meant was nailed to the Cross, and his speaking of not letting anyone judge us in Feast, New Moon or Sabbaths. Not once does Luke, or anyone else, even speak of keeping Easter*1* or Xmas, and only one time does he refer to the first day of the week (Acts 20:7), which theologians now realize begins on Saturday night, which is when the meeting began, not Sunday morning.

Also, Luke never speaks of Sunday replacing the Sabbath or even Sunday as the “new day” for Christians, which is very strange for the Church, as Acts is the God given inspired history of the Apostolic Church*2* and we would expect this “change that happened after the Cross” to not only be mentioned in Acts, the only divinely inspired authoritative history of the Apostolic Church, but actually to be held up and taught as the “new day for Christians.” Even the Apostle Paul speaks to his Gentile Corinthians of keeping the Feast of Unleavened Bread (1st Cor. 5:6-8; written 53 AD). It wasn’t the Lord who changed Sabbath to Sunday and Passover to Easter, etc. It was Pope Sixtus in 120 AD. You can read more about this and how Christians should be keeping all the rules or laws of Moses that apply to them, in these two short articles: A Snapshot of Church History and Mosaic Law at, and The Feasts of Israel and the Church

When I gave me life to Jesus in October 1975, I was looking for God and His Truth. Instead I found the traditions of the Roman Catholic Church (e.g. Sunday, Easter and Xmas and the eating of unclean animals) pervading Christianity. At first I didn’t know it was wrong, but after 8 years the Lord began to teach me His Days and His Ways. I hope that you are wanting His Truth more than Man’s traditions that nullify God’s Word. This teaching goes against the Christian Tree of Tradition that forbids Mosaic Law. I am not teaching that you need Mosaic Law for salvation, but once saved does it matter if you sin? (Cf. what Paul has to say in Romans 6:1-3f.). I hope you will not settle for walking out your faith in Jesus the Pope’s Way, as it truly conflicts and goes directly against God’s Way.

“He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches” (Revelation 3:22 NKJV). If you have any questions, or would like to discuss this further, reply to me, either here on this forum or through my website where you can find many articles, under Menu/The Hebraic Perspective, that will help you in your Journey to the New Jerusalem (Rev. 3:12; 21:2).

Disclaimer: I am not a Judaizer and I realize that Christians are not under the Law, but under Grace. Now tell me the New Testament’s specific definition of sin, if you can, because if you can’t you’re most likely sinning against Jesus in your ignorance of what is sin and what isn’t.

Blessings from Above,
Avram Yehoshua
Minister and Senior Elder

1 Only the King James Version has Easter in Acts 12:4. All other Bibles have Passover, and rightfully so. The Greek Textus Receptus manuscript, which is the basis for the KJV, has Paska, which in English is Passover, not Easter. The KJV translators of Acts 12:4 were wrong.

2 Luke also uses the term Sabbath 8 times in Acts (13:14, 27, 42, 44; 15:21; 16:13; 17:2; 18:4), and it’s also used in Col. 2:16 and Hebrews 4:9 (where the KJV and NKJV fail to correctly translate the Greek word Sabbatismos, but every other English Bible has Sabbath rest—not just ‘rest’). This reveals that Sunday had not yet replaced the Sabbath during the first 34 years of the Church. It actually was kept by all Christians until Pope Sixtus changed it in 120 AD or 90 years after the Resurrection. God did not institute Sunday as a replacement for the 7th day Sabbath (cf. Gen. 2:1-3; Ex. 16:23f.; Mark 2:27-28).

I don't claim to be anything special but I do have a gift that our Papa give to His children. My message to Chris: you're still in a spiritual battle. Have no fear because Jesus fights for us. I see you're wanting to understand and seeking answers to every events and situations from what you've seen, heard and dealt with. I tell you my Brother, some things of this world and the spiritual world is not for us to understand, you will only see it through Jesus's eyes. It is NOT to our understanding so please do NOT focus on that. With your mind and heart focus on the word of God and Jesus alone. Your answers will be there. Leave everything else to God because it will hinder your walk with God. Chris you're the beginning of this battle, I pray you will have an amazing break through. No more pills, no more guilt and shame because it ends now in Jesus name. AMEN. May God's grace continue to be with you and all of your journey. Stay focus and separate your flesh from your spirit, take care my friend.

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