She didn’t consider shifting around things in her lifestyle to provide for him better? Just give the child away like a cat?
To damn her with faint praise, that’s not the worst reason I’ve seen for rehoming an adopted child.
That poor child. My heart breaks for him.
This is why kids form attachment issues. Being shuffled from place to place never feeling secure or safe and guess what it takes a lot of work to make them feel safe and secure but fuck that right? God I hate people
My heart breaks for this child.
They don’t get along? It’s a child, so you’re confirming your husband is an asshole. You’re going to give up your nephew who you got at 3 when he’s still so young amd innocent bc you’re married to an asshole. This isn’t a dog. You can make time for him, it sounds like you’re choosing not to. This is truly abhorrent. Poor child 😭
She can fuck right off along with her piece of shit husband. I wouldn’t treat my dog like this let alone a child
No matter what happens here, the child loses. If she keeps him, he gets to live in a house with a father who resents him and a mother who enables that dickishness. If she gives him up, she is putting an already-traumatized child into a system that is woefully unprepared to care for him. She should have put so much more thought and care into adopting him, because it’s not a decision that can be reversed, really. Even if you lose custody or give up your rights the kid is never gonna forget that trauma.
If it were me, though, and my husband “wasn’t getting along with” (read: being cruel to) the child that I adopted, I’d leave. Yes, I know it’s not that easy, but if he can’t find it in him to be nice to a kid who’s obviously been through a metric fuckton, he’s not somebody I’d want to be married to. Honestly, they probably should’ve gotten divorced the first time this disagreement came up—it’s not like it’s easily resolvable.
He isn’t a reactive dog that you got from a shelter, he’s a human being. Jesus
This is just so sad. I don’t feel like I can judge because the situation must be so hard.
Poor kid 🙁
So many unanswered questions about this situation but I would argue the first person to fuck up was the lady who chose to adopt a child without her partner being on board. And also the system that allowed her to adopt a child without forcing both of them to go through training to understand the responsibility of getting custody.
I’ve had full custody of my nephew since he was a baby and I broke off an engagement to do so. Not because I was *obligated* but because I *love* him and realized I didn’t respect or love my fiancée as much after hearing how adverse she was to taking in “someone else’s” baby. I didn’t birth him and he calls me his uncle but for all rights and purposes I’m his dad and I treat him as such. Rehoming my *child* is not a thing that’s ever going to happen. He’s got a home with me until the day I die. I have and will continue to tear new assholes into people who even insinuate that he’s a burden or that he’s “lucky” to have me. That’s my soap box and I’m fine being a sanctimonious prick about it.
I hope she at least talks to professionals instead of Facebook. That little boy deserves so much better than to hear that he’s in that home out of obligation. Christ, people really don’t understand the scars they create.
reads like a craigslist rehoming add for a guinea pig
This was my husband growing up. He was taken into CPS custody at birth (positive for heroin) and his grandma adopted him. She would leave for long stretches of time to go to the mountains with her abusive boyfriend, leaving my husband with neighbors. Through his whole life she constantly reminded him how much she did for him, giving up her life to adopt him, and he’d get the guilt trip from other relatives about what a saint she was for taking him in. Her other adult children were also resentful of my husband because he lived with grandma and therefore got more of her attention than their children did.
The year we got married I convinced him to just cut her off and we haven’t looked back. There were lots of other issues, but that was always the one that bugged me the most: that clearly the adoption was about her and so she could get praise and attention about how selfless and wonderful she is for taking in a destitute child.
I sorta went through something like this but not
I was dating a girl that I loved, we had been together for about 2 years. Her sister (psycho-ass thief and tweeker, bitch stole money from a church, y’all) showed up one day with a kid. She left him with us and disappeared again. I was ok with it, the idea of this kid being abandoned broke my heart.
No bullshit, 1 year later (Irish twins as they say) she drops off another kid. Now, me and my gf had agreed that we didn’t want to have kids. So, now the count is up to 2 kids. This starts to leave a mark but I really loved Natalie. Curtiss (yes, 2 S’s because they had to have seven letters) clearly had some problems become his mom was using drugs for a large portion of her pregnancy. Natalie spent most of her time being “grown” in jail, so she was healthy.
THE. NEXT. FUCKING. YEAR! Juliett hits the doorstep. Shortly after that I left my gf. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be a father to those kids. It wasn’t what we agreed on.
I couldn’t be upset with my gf, she was being a great person, taking care of innocent children that needed love and support in their lives. That was one of the things that I loved about her but I just couldn’t do it.
One thing I’ve learned recently with all this talk of repealing abortion & conservatives saying this will be great because of the “shortage of babies to adopt” is that there are HUNDREDS of Facebook groups where people “rehome” their own bio kids or adopted kids. Rehoming kids like dogs. What’s worse is these rehoming groups often circumvent any sort of home visits or any checks and balances intended to keep these kids safe. So I suspect there are creepers in these groups taking kids.
When adults speak of the trauma of adoption. This is part of what they speak of. Knowing you might never be secure because at any time they might give you away too and god only knows what sort of person they give you away to.
Many many years ago my husband and I were caring for his nephew. If it had come down to me keeping nephew or husband I’d have picked nephew even though we had no blood relation. That said, my husband would have expected nothing else.
The fact she’s willing to bail on this kid for her husband when she claims to love this child speaks volumes to what she thinks love is.
Looks like this conversation needed to happen before the nephew came into the house. Maybe a little more strongly. Taking in a relatives child for 15+ years is a huge responsibility, and while it may feel good to think you’d be able and willing to do the same should circumstances allow, think of the lifestyle change this entails. Especially if you have a spouse whom you’ve already had a childfree conversation with.
I have full custody of my nephews and niece, I was engaged to my husband while I gained custody of them. He never had an issue with it, and I would never rehome my own blood so that he could feel comfortable, imagine being so vile you want to give away your own damn family for the sake of your marriage
“I didn’t want to be another person who abandoned him, so I took him in for years so he could get really attached and THEN abandoned him so he would be even more traumatic”
This poor kid….
I am so sad for that child. He’s not a puppy. He’s a little boy who deserves better,
Starting off on a pretty terrible footing. Adopting without running it by your partner is like poking holes in condoms, you can’t be on two different pages here. I personally would leave if a kid I didn’t want showed up on my door.
And then posting on Facebook like the kid is an old lamp, oof
I’m really happy the comments are saying she’s in the wrong but I’m also kind of shocked… I was sort of in this position as a child and family all just turned their backs on me and still kind of do
I’m glad to know it wasn’t me with too high expectations
I think the most messed up part is that she let him get attached to her and kept him through his most adoptable years. It’s much easier to place a 2 year old than a 6 year old. She should not have taken him in if her husband didn’t agree and she couldn’t give him a permanent stable home. She screwed his chances of being adopted young and growing up in a loving environment. What a selfish person.
I m wondering if she’s not depressed or something like that!
When I get really bad depressed I think like everyone around me have the right to have someone else on they lives!
Literally everything else will be better that me!
Damn. This just sounds like a shitty situation. The husband seems child free from the get-go. But also the wife just can’t change the situation magically. There’s a point where this couple will have to choose between remaining together or backing out and leaving this woman as a sing caregiver to the child.
Fucking sucks but they need to grow up and choose. Everyone sounds like they’re hurting.
I mean. Some people can’t raise kids. We have no idea what she has or hasn’t tried. Is being rehomed any more traumatic than having incompetent parents?
Would have been kinder to put him up for adoption at 2 than try to at nearly 6. He wouldn’t have remembered when he was younger.
So this is actually a very common and disturbing practice among adoptive families. There is no regulation in the US, so if an adoptive parent doesn’t like the child they adopted they can put an add out for them on Facebook groups like a puppy. Except Facebook doesn’t allow for pets to be advertised on their platform. But selling/rehoming human kids is totally fine. And families who do this face no repercussions and are allowed to adopt another child.
I think I may get downvoted into oblivion here but I think even tho it’s a horrible thing to post and a horrible thing to consider leaving your nephew with everything that he’s been through…at least she has the wherewithal to recognize that she ISN’T giving him the life he deserves. I couldn’t ever imagine feeling the way she does (like she doesn’t want to do this anymore) but I also think his life would be better if he was with people who REALLY want him. That being said I agree with everyone here saying that he deserves better and that he shouldn’t be shifted again. All around a horrible scenario.
I honestly feel bad for this woman and the kid. It sounds like she was trying to do right by the kid but got in over her head. And she at least recognizes that she isn’t.
For those saying this person’s doing well to recognise their home is less than ideal for the child, yeah, I 100% agree. I think the real danger here is that someone in a fairly desperate situation, especially someone turning to social media for answers, could get sucked into [the online world of not-so-legal rehoming of adoptees](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1).
There’s a pretty wild network of Facebook groups, email lists, message boards, etc. for people who adopted then realised they can’t handle the situation and for people who want to adopt but who find legal channels onerous in some way.
Kids can end up in some really sketch situations if things go that route (not saying things ***will*** got that route in this case.)
Alright, so… Hear me out. My perspective of this is a cry for help. She starts off sounding like she’s getting rid of a puppy. But at the end she sounds remorseful. She took the kid in, which she didn’t have to in the first place, because she wanted to be there for them.
To me it sounds like she’s either trapped in an abusive relationship (physical/mental/emotional or otherwise) or dealing with poverty.
Then again, maybe sometimes it takes reaching out to someone – anyone – in a time of grief, crisis, anxiety, or other intense emotion to gain hold on reality again.
maybe I’ve just found gullible written on the ceiling a few too many times
Reads exactly like every “im giving up my dog but im actually still a great person” post that reddit seems to love.
Lord this sounds like she’s talking about a pet 🙁
The real issue is adopting a kid without agreeing on it with your spouse
This shit happens all the time in foster placement and adoption situations.
Like literally dropping kids they legally adopted and just changed their minds about keeping like they’re returning a fucking sweater at K-mart.
I saw so many adoption workers quit because of the people who do this.
Why won’t she just leave her husband? That situation sounds so toxic!
Children are not more important that adults. They’re not. An adult agrees to take on extra responsibility, is on that adult. It doesn’t mean every other person agreed to do that.
She should have been a true partner to her husband instead of taking in a whole ass child he didn’t want. He’s going to leave her.
There is nothing shitty about that post. Jesus fuck, that woman has real problems and is reaching out for help and you think it’s shitty? Yeah stop posting please.
Why the fuck are people blaming the husband? It seems like he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want children for whatever reason and she still adopted him.
The only mistake he made was not immediately leaving after she crossed that boundary.
The true victim remains the child.
I feel bad for the kid but honestly? Probably dodging a bullet. The last thing anyone wants is to be raised by someone who doesn’t want to raise them. We csn only hope he grts lucky enough to find a better home
I might be alone in this but I fully understand where she is coming from. Not every wants or can be a parent and good on here for recognizing that and deciding to try and give the child to a person who would care rather than try and be someone she isn’t.
46 replies on “How do I rehome my nephew?”
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Vomit. 🤮
One on one home🤦🏼♀️
She didn’t consider shifting around things in her lifestyle to provide for him better? Just give the child away like a cat?
To damn her with faint praise, that’s not the worst reason I’ve seen for rehoming an adopted child.
That poor child. My heart breaks for him.
This is why kids form attachment issues. Being shuffled from place to place never feeling secure or safe and guess what it takes a lot of work to make them feel safe and secure but fuck that right? God I hate people
My heart breaks for this child.
They don’t get along? It’s a child, so you’re confirming your husband is an asshole. You’re going to give up your nephew who you got at 3 when he’s still so young amd innocent bc you’re married to an asshole. This isn’t a dog. You can make time for him, it sounds like you’re choosing not to. This is truly abhorrent. Poor child 😭
She can fuck right off along with her piece of shit husband. I wouldn’t treat my dog like this let alone a child
No matter what happens here, the child loses. If she keeps him, he gets to live in a house with a father who resents him and a mother who enables that dickishness. If she gives him up, she is putting an already-traumatized child into a system that is woefully unprepared to care for him. She should have put so much more thought and care into adopting him, because it’s not a decision that can be reversed, really. Even if you lose custody or give up your rights the kid is never gonna forget that trauma.
If it were me, though, and my husband “wasn’t getting along with” (read: being cruel to) the child that I adopted, I’d leave. Yes, I know it’s not that easy, but if he can’t find it in him to be nice to a kid who’s obviously been through a metric fuckton, he’s not somebody I’d want to be married to. Honestly, they probably should’ve gotten divorced the first time this disagreement came up—it’s not like it’s easily resolvable.
He isn’t a reactive dog that you got from a shelter, he’s a human being. Jesus
This is just so sad. I don’t feel like I can judge because the situation must be so hard.
Poor kid 🙁
So many unanswered questions about this situation but I would argue the first person to fuck up was the lady who chose to adopt a child without her partner being on board. And also the system that allowed her to adopt a child without forcing both of them to go through training to understand the responsibility of getting custody.
I’ve had full custody of my nephew since he was a baby and I broke off an engagement to do so. Not because I was *obligated* but because I *love* him and realized I didn’t respect or love my fiancée as much after hearing how adverse she was to taking in “someone else’s” baby. I didn’t birth him and he calls me his uncle but for all rights and purposes I’m his dad and I treat him as such. Rehoming my *child* is not a thing that’s ever going to happen. He’s got a home with me until the day I die. I have and will continue to tear new assholes into people who even insinuate that he’s a burden or that he’s “lucky” to have me. That’s my soap box and I’m fine being a sanctimonious prick about it.
I hope she at least talks to professionals instead of Facebook. That little boy deserves so much better than to hear that he’s in that home out of obligation. Christ, people really don’t understand the scars they create.
reads like a craigslist rehoming add for a guinea pig
This was my husband growing up. He was taken into CPS custody at birth (positive for heroin) and his grandma adopted him. She would leave for long stretches of time to go to the mountains with her abusive boyfriend, leaving my husband with neighbors. Through his whole life she constantly reminded him how much she did for him, giving up her life to adopt him, and he’d get the guilt trip from other relatives about what a saint she was for taking him in. Her other adult children were also resentful of my husband because he lived with grandma and therefore got more of her attention than their children did.
The year we got married I convinced him to just cut her off and we haven’t looked back. There were lots of other issues, but that was always the one that bugged me the most: that clearly the adoption was about her and so she could get praise and attention about how selfless and wonderful she is for taking in a destitute child.
I sorta went through something like this but not
I was dating a girl that I loved, we had been together for about 2 years. Her sister (psycho-ass thief and tweeker, bitch stole money from a church, y’all) showed up one day with a kid. She left him with us and disappeared again. I was ok with it, the idea of this kid being abandoned broke my heart.
No bullshit, 1 year later (Irish twins as they say) she drops off another kid. Now, me and my gf had agreed that we didn’t want to have kids. So, now the count is up to 2 kids. This starts to leave a mark but I really loved Natalie. Curtiss (yes, 2 S’s because they had to have seven letters) clearly had some problems become his mom was using drugs for a large portion of her pregnancy. Natalie spent most of her time being “grown” in jail, so she was healthy.
THE. NEXT. FUCKING. YEAR! Juliett hits the doorstep. Shortly after that I left my gf. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be a father to those kids. It wasn’t what we agreed on.
I couldn’t be upset with my gf, she was being a great person, taking care of innocent children that needed love and support in their lives. That was one of the things that I loved about her but I just couldn’t do it.
One thing I’ve learned recently with all this talk of repealing abortion & conservatives saying this will be great because of the “shortage of babies to adopt” is that there are HUNDREDS of Facebook groups where people “rehome” their own bio kids or adopted kids. Rehoming kids like dogs. What’s worse is these rehoming groups often circumvent any sort of home visits or any checks and balances intended to keep these kids safe. So I suspect there are creepers in these groups taking kids.
When adults speak of the trauma of adoption. This is part of what they speak of. Knowing you might never be secure because at any time they might give you away too and god only knows what sort of person they give you away to.
Many many years ago my husband and I were caring for his nephew. If it had come down to me keeping nephew or husband I’d have picked nephew even though we had no blood relation. That said, my husband would have expected nothing else.
The fact she’s willing to bail on this kid for her husband when she claims to love this child speaks volumes to what she thinks love is.
Looks like this conversation needed to happen before the nephew came into the house. Maybe a little more strongly. Taking in a relatives child for 15+ years is a huge responsibility, and while it may feel good to think you’d be able and willing to do the same should circumstances allow, think of the lifestyle change this entails. Especially if you have a spouse whom you’ve already had a childfree conversation with.
I have full custody of my nephews and niece, I was engaged to my husband while I gained custody of them. He never had an issue with it, and I would never rehome my own blood so that he could feel comfortable, imagine being so vile you want to give away your own damn family for the sake of your marriage
“I didn’t want to be another person who abandoned him, so I took him in for years so he could get really attached and THEN abandoned him so he would be even more traumatic”
This poor kid….
I am so sad for that child. He’s not a puppy. He’s a little boy who deserves better,
Starting off on a pretty terrible footing. Adopting without running it by your partner is like poking holes in condoms, you can’t be on two different pages here. I personally would leave if a kid I didn’t want showed up on my door.
And then posting on Facebook like the kid is an old lamp, oof
I’m really happy the comments are saying she’s in the wrong but I’m also kind of shocked… I was sort of in this position as a child and family all just turned their backs on me and still kind of do
I’m glad to know it wasn’t me with too high expectations
I think the most messed up part is that she let him get attached to her and kept him through his most adoptable years. It’s much easier to place a 2 year old than a 6 year old. She should not have taken him in if her husband didn’t agree and she couldn’t give him a permanent stable home. She screwed his chances of being adopted young and growing up in a loving environment. What a selfish person.
I m wondering if she’s not depressed or something like that!
When I get really bad depressed I think like everyone around me have the right to have someone else on they lives!
Literally everything else will be better that me!
Damn. This just sounds like a shitty situation. The husband seems child free from the get-go. But also the wife just can’t change the situation magically. There’s a point where this couple will have to choose between remaining together or backing out and leaving this woman as a sing caregiver to the child.
Fucking sucks but they need to grow up and choose. Everyone sounds like they’re hurting.
I mean. Some people can’t raise kids. We have no idea what she has or hasn’t tried. Is being rehomed any more traumatic than having incompetent parents?
Would have been kinder to put him up for adoption at 2 than try to at nearly 6. He wouldn’t have remembered when he was younger.
So this is actually a very common and disturbing practice among adoptive families. There is no regulation in the US, so if an adoptive parent doesn’t like the child they adopted they can put an add out for them on Facebook groups like a puppy. Except Facebook doesn’t allow for pets to be advertised on their platform. But selling/rehoming human kids is totally fine. And families who do this face no repercussions and are allowed to adopt another child.
I think I may get downvoted into oblivion here but I think even tho it’s a horrible thing to post and a horrible thing to consider leaving your nephew with everything that he’s been through…at least she has the wherewithal to recognize that she ISN’T giving him the life he deserves. I couldn’t ever imagine feeling the way she does (like she doesn’t want to do this anymore) but I also think his life would be better if he was with people who REALLY want him. That being said I agree with everyone here saying that he deserves better and that he shouldn’t be shifted again. All around a horrible scenario.
I honestly feel bad for this woman and the kid. It sounds like she was trying to do right by the kid but got in over her head. And she at least recognizes that she isn’t.
For those saying this person’s doing well to recognise their home is less than ideal for the child, yeah, I 100% agree. I think the real danger here is that someone in a fairly desperate situation, especially someone turning to social media for answers, could get sucked into [the online world of not-so-legal rehoming of adoptees](https://www.reuters.com/investigates/adoption/#article/part1).
There’s a pretty wild network of Facebook groups, email lists, message boards, etc. for people who adopted then realised they can’t handle the situation and for people who want to adopt but who find legal channels onerous in some way.
Kids can end up in some really sketch situations if things go that route (not saying things ***will*** got that route in this case.)
Alright, so… Hear me out. My perspective of this is a cry for help. She starts off sounding like she’s getting rid of a puppy. But at the end she sounds remorseful. She took the kid in, which she didn’t have to in the first place, because she wanted to be there for them.
To me it sounds like she’s either trapped in an abusive relationship (physical/mental/emotional or otherwise) or dealing with poverty.
Then again, maybe sometimes it takes reaching out to someone – anyone – in a time of grief, crisis, anxiety, or other intense emotion to gain hold on reality again.
maybe I’ve just found gullible written on the ceiling a few too many times
Reads exactly like every “im giving up my dog but im actually still a great person” post that reddit seems to love.
Lord this sounds like she’s talking about a pet 🙁
The real issue is adopting a kid without agreeing on it with your spouse
This shit happens all the time in foster placement and adoption situations.
Like literally dropping kids they legally adopted and just changed their minds about keeping like they’re returning a fucking sweater at K-mart.
I saw so many adoption workers quit because of the people who do this.
Why won’t she just leave her husband? That situation sounds so toxic!
Children are not more important that adults. They’re not. An adult agrees to take on extra responsibility, is on that adult. It doesn’t mean every other person agreed to do that.
She should have been a true partner to her husband instead of taking in a whole ass child he didn’t want. He’s going to leave her.
There is nothing shitty about that post. Jesus fuck, that woman has real problems and is reaching out for help and you think it’s shitty? Yeah stop posting please.
Why the fuck are people blaming the husband? It seems like he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want children for whatever reason and she still adopted him.
The only mistake he made was not immediately leaving after she crossed that boundary.
The true victim remains the child.
I feel bad for the kid but honestly? Probably dodging a bullet. The last thing anyone wants is to be raised by someone who doesn’t want to raise them. We csn only hope he grts lucky enough to find a better home
I might be alone in this but I fully understand where she is coming from. Not every wants or can be a parent and good on here for recognizing that and deciding to try and give the child to a person who would care rather than try and be someone she isn’t.